BLIP with me



because i cried so hard last night i thought of writing an entry about the instances i usually cry.

when im extremely mad. i dont shout and i dont confront people when im mad, so instead, i burst into tears. i have learned that rather than giving out hurtful words that i'll later regret, its better to shut up, isolate yourself, pick up boots, call jarvik, then cry. and that's been a practice a lately. (salamat jarvik, sabi mo nga, tama na ang crayola, pero sige, iiyak mo lang yan)

when people leave. my father is a seaman who works about 10 months at sea and stays with us for vacation for about 3 months. i grew up this way but every time he leaves for work, i cry. i don't know why, even though i know that he's coming back and that i should have been more mature to accept that reality, i still can't help but cry.

when i feel pressure and failure is almost real. i have received overwhelming trust in the past and at times, nowadays and though i dont know why such amount trust is given in the first place, i do not have a choice but to live to that. i dont like to think that others look at me as someone who makes things happen but that's usually the case, and sometimes, i just cant, i just cant make the impossible, possible. i cry. so after crying, i can believe the words my boss usually use to describe me, "you are a superstar" and always "use your charm" (especially for financial issues).

when i am so damn, tired. when i start working on something, nothing can stop me. at the height of working on the project, i exhaust all my efforts and i don't stop until i reached that satisfaction of quality necessary on a project. sometimes, i know it isn't right as i infect people of exhaustion. but after this is over, i sit down, "tulala" and suddenly tears shall fall.

when i remember old friends. yes, they still affect me. i value friendship too much i believed people are there to stay forever.

when im in pain. physically. an old friend and i were in a public transpo, nang manggigil sya at mangurot, i cried, in front of people we don't even know. it was an innocent cry, masakit talaga.

when a discrepancy issue is at hand. ok, stop. this is going to make me cry hard and i don't want to sport crying eyes at office today as it is chinese new year.



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